Friday, February 8, 2008

catch a lion

Newton's MethodLet, the lion catch you.For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein MethodRun in the direction opposite to that of the lion.Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer MethodCatch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police MethodCatch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth MethodKeep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Ramarajan MethodRemove the make-up and put it over lion. The lionwill die notwithstanding that heavy weight.
Jayalalitha MethodSend Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director)Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director)Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest.You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !
Yash Chopra method (director)Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda methodContinuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi methodsave the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George Bush methodLink the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri methodAsk the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

complan boy

An Elephant meets an Ant!!On Introduction:
Ant : Haathi tumhari umar kitni hai?
Elephant: Paanch Saal !!!
Ant : Paanch Saal aur itnay bade !!!
Elephant: I AM A COMPLAN BOY .
Elephant: Cheenti tumhari umar kitni hai ?
Ant: Tees Saal.
Elephant: Tees Saal aur itni chhoti.
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Ant: Haan .... I AM A SANTOOR GIRL.... MERI TWACHA SEY MERI UMAR KA PATA HI NAHI CHALTA !

Naag panchami

Q) What is opposite of “Nag Panchami”
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A) “Nag Did Not Punch Me”

a nice story

It happened in NWFP(sarhad) areas. I just read this story. There was a beautiful girl of some vadera (sardar) of a qabila, she fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the people of that qabila came to know about their love, they did not like it at all. So they began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for their secure and happy future.
The people of that qabila started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last, they accepted their love and asked them in a News Paper to come back. The people said that if u both come back we will marry u, we accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the cruelness of the people of qabila shattered. The boy with that girl went to karachi for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing white shalwar qameez, he was crossing the road, a car came and hit him and he died at the spot. The girl just lost her sense. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.
One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother saw a dream in which she saw a Buzurg. That Buzurg ask her mother that there are blood spots on ur daughter's shirt, wash that blood spots of that guy as soon as possible. But her mother ignored that dream. Next night her father saw the same Dream, he also ignored the dream.. Then the same dream came to that girl on next night, she woke up and told her mother about that dream. Her mother confused very much and asked her to wash that clothes on which there are blood spots of that guy. She washed that spots but some remained there. Next night she again saw the same dream she again washed that spots but blood spots didn't wash out clearly and some remained there but dim.
Next night she again saw the same dream and this time that Buzurg gave her last warning to wash that spots... otherwise some thing very bad will be happened with u. This time she tried her best to wash that spots but her shirt tore up.
Then in the evening of same day when she was alone in her home, some one knocked the door when she opened the door she saw that Buzurg at the door. She scared her that much she fainted there. The Buzurg asked her dear daughter plz wake up, when she came back in senses that Buzurg gave her a thing, that girl asked that Buzurg what is this?
The Buzurg replied.....
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"Surf Excel Hai Na"

Julie and Sulie

Abhi bole to kya hota hai na: Julie aur sulie do ben log rehta hai,
ben log maane judwaa. Lekin dono main fark bole to solid.
Julie ekdum maal item, jhakaas aur sulie ekdum halki re.
To kya hota hai maloom Sulie ko bachpan se
woh kya bolte hain usko....complex rehta hai
To julie jo bhi maangti thi na.....sulie ko woh maangta hich hai.
Julie ko gudiya mila to sulie ko bhi maangta tha
Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.
Aisa karte karte bees saal beet gaya.
Abhi bole to Julie ke peeche ladka log matlab fultoo fida aur sulie ko koi dekta hich nahin tha
To na Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ke saath hota hai.
Aur sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi karti hai.
Shaadi ke baad julie Fridge leti hai baap.
Sulie bhi pati se fridge maangti hai.
Pati bichara garib.
Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh Fridge khareed leta hai.
Abhi Julie agle mahine Air conditioner khareed dalti hai.
Sulie bhi jidd karti hai baap.
Bolti: AC nahin liyato khud ko tapka daloongi.
pati bichara aur aise udhaar leta hai aur AC khareed leta hai.
Ab Julie car khareedti hai.
Sulie bhi jidd karti hai.
Pati ka khopdi satakta hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya
pitaji ka zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi khareedta hai.
thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus khareedti hai.
Sulie jidd karti hai Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap.
bolta hai "Ae chokri bahut ho gaya tera natak. Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai"
To Sulie ko chodke woh chala jaata hai.
Sulie lekin saali haram khor apni gaadi bechkar Aur paisa market
se uthkar bus khareed leti hai.
To Julie aur sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko jaata hai.
Bus ko park karke woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai.
Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala bus main steering wheel gaayab, seat gaayab, gear gaayab.
Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti hai Ekdum simple koschan:
Sulie julie ko kya bolti hai??
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Abe soch......
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haar maan gaya kya???
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Accha chal bolich dalta hoon:
NA KUCH TERE BUS MAIN JULIE NA KUCH MERE BUS MAIN.

Moral of the story

Ek baar Chunnu class main baitha hota hai aur Masterji usse sawal poochte hain.
"India ke Capital ka Naam Batao?"
Chunnu bahut sochta hai, bahut sochta hai, aur jab thak jata hai to bolta hai.
"Masterji Nahin Pata"
Masterji gusse se laal peele ho jate hain aur Chunnu ko class se bahar nikaal dete hain.
Chunnu chalta chalta pricipal ke office ke samne se gujarta hai to principal use dekh leta hai aur poochta hai ki baahar kyon ghoom raha hai. Chunnu batata hai ki masterji ne India ka capital nahin batane ke liye class se nikaal diya.
Principal ko bhi bada gussa aata hai. Vo Chunnu ko school se nikaal deta hai.
Ab Chunnu bhatakta bhatakta diili ki sadkon main ghum raha hota hai ki Prime Minister vahan se gujarte hain aur Chunnu se poochte hain ki school time main kyon ghum raha hai. Chunnu sab bata deta hai. Sunte hi Prime Minister bhi ekdum aag babula ho jate hain aur Chunnu ko India se nikaal dete hain.
Bhichara Chunnu rota rota Sri Lanka pahuch jata hai. Vo vahan ek sadak cross kar raha hota hai ki ek car se uska accident ho jata hai.
Ab Bato ki is Story Ka Moral kya hai?
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Pahle Dayen Dekho, Phir Bayen Dekho, Phir Road Cross Karo!!!!

Guitar

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.
shivji khush .
Prakat hue ...
bole ...
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puttar maang ...
maang kya chahiye tujhey !
bakth utha ...
bole shivji ...
mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !
shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?
unhone kaha ... puttar ...
tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...
kuch bada maang !
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wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do
shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ...!
par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !
shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ...bole ..yaar tu
kuch aur maang .. guitar
na maang ...
wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye... ab
shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)
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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyobajata :)

Autowala

Ek baar ek aadmi ek auto mein baithta hai aur ghar le jaane ko bolta hai..
Autowala, yeh dekhkar ki aadmi sheher mein naya hai, bahut ghuma phira ke le jaata hai aur bahut charge kar deta hai.
Ghar pahunchte pahunchte bahut der ho jaati hai aur andhera ho jaata hai.
Aadmi pehle se hi bahut frustrated hai aur ghar jaake dekhta hai ki bijli nahi hai.
Par aadmi ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayee deta hai.
Kaise???
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Kyonki autowala aadmi ko ULLOO bana deta hai aur usko raat ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhta hai.

Gulshan grocer

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: "Sir, can I know your name please"
Gulshan: "I am Gulshan Grocer"
Stranger: "Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??"
Gulshan: "No it is Grocer"
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...
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scroll down for the ultimate PJ
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Further…
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Little further...
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ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C

Tare zameen par PJ

In Tare zameen par ...the mother of the Kid is not actually his Mother she is his Bhabhi....
Now tell me how ????
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Kyuki bhabhi maa samaan hoti hai.